They are tough little SOBs. A hammer is probably your best bet... although the Molotov cocktail is a good choice.

What kind of hammer? Regular hammer with the nail-puller-outer thingy? Bigger hammer? Sledgehammer? Jackhammer? There's no holding back for these little guys.

Use Fiya! Fiya! Baw-baw-baw baw-baw On fiya!

...sledge, definitely.

If you were bitten you would just get migrane headaches and be laid up for about 2-3 days. Nothing too serious, but the headaches hurt. The worst thing you can do in this scenario is listen to your step mother's advice that a doctor "will just give you a Benadryl shot" so there's no reason to go. She might have viewed that as her last real chance to take me out.

It's not a brown recluse or anything so drop the little girl screams and go kill it.

If it's outside just leave it alone. If you kill it, half-a-dozen of its relatives will show up for the funeral. If you let it live it will continue to consume bugs.

If it tries to move into your house then it is in your territory. You could just spray a little poison…but physical violence is much more satisfying, plus you give the spider a sporting chance. You know...can you find it during the day before it comes for your in you sleep? While a hammer will usually work, I prefer a 12 gauge shotgun for this kind of work. There’s less need for precision, and less manual labor involved if you think it's hiding in the walls. A semi-auto auto model is probably your best bet in case you just wing it and it comes for you.

...

Just wait until the first time you roll over a “root” up on the mountain, and it gets pissed off and coils to strike.

I have alerted Channel 19 about this situation.

...kill it. :)

I thought I had a foolproof plan: get some heavy working gloves, lure the spider out of its pipe by tossing a little twig in its web again, then smush it with my gloves. I actually had a dream about doing that.

It worked up until the "lure her out" part. She wouldn't budge. So, I just took a large stick and destroyed the web. At least she won't be hovering around my car anymore, and if she does, I'll just try again.

Brick, if the spider was out in the middle of some field and I just happened to stumble across it, I would leave it alone. However, it's right next to my car. I don't want it right next to my car.

I've already seen 3 this year. They must be thriving lately.

Yes! You must terminate the spider as it is a threat to the car. The threat must be eliminated. I still recommend a 12 gauge.

Don't patronize me. If there's a chance that I could get a serious bite from a venomous creature on my way to my car, I want to minimize that risk.

Now Brick... go git mah gun...

Oh simple child. This word you use … patronize … as if a simple and foolish youth such as yourself would truly understand the weight of such a word.

How I love to watch the mechanizations of your drama unfold. Go forth and slay this most fearsome and loathsome of beasts. Indeed the risk must be large to engender such a discourse on the nature threat

Know that I too held forth to such flights of fancy in my younger days. I now look back upon those simpler times with bemusement. When you are someday as wise I am, I hope you will still retain the youthful sense of humor that will allow you to laugh at the antics of your unsophisticated self.

I at least have balls enough to squish a spider. I may scream at the top of my lungs while I am doing it, but I still manage. If you are that scared of it and the idea of attemting to end its life, stop parking in your neighbors garage.

And yes, I have dealt with a black widow before. Behind the door of my closet in my first apartment. My roommates parents sprayed it with pesticide and we trapped it in a jar for removal from said closet door.

First, please don't ever mention how big your balls are. Second, I never said I was scared of killing it. Not being able to see it to kill it != being scared of killing it.

I think the issue is that you have generated 3000 words of discourse over what would have been "Oh, spider, squish, glad that's done" in the hands of anyone else.

Sorry for trying to write something entertaining about an everyday experience.

Last year, on the 4th of July, I was at a fireworks store in New Market buying some goods. When I was done, I sat down on a camp chair waiting for the rest of my fam to finish buying their stuff. When I got up to leave, I noticed something fall from the chair and crawl in front of me. It was a huge Black Widow! I didn't know this until it had crawled toward the light, but when I figured that out, I squashed that son of a gun... squashed it good. It had been on my chair! Now that is something to be alarmed about.

I think it is only fair that Rayne get some digs of her heels in. After all that age crap she got at Rosies... I think she is due her share of ragging, er, antagonizing. :)

Don't apologize. I'm enjoying myself immensely.

Arachnophobia will do you no good, Mintz. How about you be a real man and give compassion for your fellow creatures unless you're going to eat them? You know, you don't have to kill something if you don't want it to be near your car. Was it so much to go out of your way just to relocate a spider?

Anyways, about the 12 gauge... go for it.

For someone who "loves THX," you sure don't read it too closely.

Hey, just because you may not have an unreasonable fear of homosexuals, but kill them as soon as you get the chance, doesn't mean I can't call you a homophobe?

... What?

[Mintz]I'm not scared of snakes, I just squeal like a girl and kill them whenever I see one of the disgusting, loathsome creatures. Then I usually discuss the encounter with friends. However, in no way do I consider snakes out of the ordinary.[/Mintz]

When I die, your ass is gonna be haunted. I will haunt you.

Is that from RvB?

This struck me as particularly funny. I dunno why.

Would an admin please lock this thread?